Saturday, 29 May 2010

Eurovision 2010 - Twitter Sweepstake.....

Suggested by @lfcsandra  Twitter Sweepstake for Eurovision..

Here's a list of the Finalists... Add your choice and name in the comments below and I will update this page as we go along..

United Kingdom    @Dawney43                           Serbia

Azerbaijan    @lfcsandra                 Belarus  @humphreycushion

Greece   @apptme2theboard                                   Russia

Portugal    @greglovelluk                                       Ireland  @kerryMP

Spain                                               Georgia

Moldova     @zoraphina                                      Turkey   @RoscreaLife

Cyprus     @novocastrianrob                                          Albania

Bosnia and Herzegovina    @neillmorris              Iceland    @jimbob1289

Belgium                                             Ukraine  @hanlemic

France     @ericpickled ; )                        Romania  @jonotrumpeto

Armenia                                             Germany   @stewpot

Israel                                                  Denmark

Norway  @ashleymason

The Eurovision Song Contest 2010 was won by Germany.. so well done @stewpot who will receive a signed photo of @ericpickled 's bottom.  The losing side was United Kingdom with a dismal 10 points, @Dawney43 has won a signed photo of @ericpickled's face...

Friday, 28 May 2010

Why I *heart* Twitter

Twitter has taken over my life. It has become the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I *waves* goodnight to. How did that happen? I opened my Twitter account in December, after reading a newspaper article about @kerryMP and @stephenfry. Slowly, it has consumed me.. I have a passion for the English language and so have never enjoyed reading or writing "Text Talk", it irritates me so much.. (However, one of my favourite tweeters is @Lindylooz who tweets in text-talk. I cant understand a word of it but it makes me *chortle* every time I re-tweet her to my followers)

It has got so bad that I even *speak* Twitter now.... I tell my kids that I love them *muchly* and give them verbal *snuggles*... Arghhh! One of the things that most appeals to me is the challenge of writing a whole paragraph in just 140 characters. You can use just one word, for example #fail to show your disapproval of the subject, which changes the whole tweet.

#fail is also Multi-Lingual..It is used by Spanish, Chinese, Germans.. a quick search of the #fail hashtag reveals all..  (More on hashtags in "Bloody Love Hashtags"...surprising, I know.

There is even a "Twitter Artist", @johannabasford who undertakes 24 hour compositions, drawing up tweeters ideas live via webcam. A project she names "Twitterpicture". Johanna also creates a monthly Twitter Calendar !

One of my joys is the characters tweeters portray, some simply made up characters, others spoofs of celebrities. My favourites include @mrsstephenfry who tweets about her life with Stephen Fry and their numerous made up children. Sometimes the real Stephen Fry responds to her which is heavenly.

My very favourite spoof tweeter is the fabulous @ericpickled, a spoof of the Conservative, newly appointed Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government. The real Eric is a portly figure and his spoof tweeter always slips in a pie reference or two into his tweets. His Bio reads: "I'm a pie eating machine and my views are all mine. Just like the pies" I am truly, madly in love with @ericpickled and bake *virual pies* for him and am hoping to marry him and make baby pickled cushions..

Currently on Twitter, @hayfestival are hosting a "Most Beautiful Tweet" competition, to be judged by Stephen Fry himself. Tweeters send in their best 140 character tweets.  Myself and @ericpickles have entered love poems to each other.. I am *sure* we will win....

And those are some of the reasons why I *heart* Twitter..... *nuzzles*

Thursday, 27 May 2010

Bloody Love #Hashtags !!

A hashtag is # followed by a brief description of the subject you wish to promote. Tweeters can search for a particular hashtag to show who is tweeting about that subject.. for example, #ge2010 was the recent General (ly bad) Election, #PMQs = Prime Minister's Question Time. You can watch TV and tweet about it, #glee for "Glee" obv and #HIGNFY is "Have I Got News For You" and so on..

There is a wonderful "Club" on Twitter, hosted nightly by @tchee , who *throws open the doors* at 1 am every morning, for insomniacs, night workers, drunks and nutters alike.. A search column can be opened, revealing all the #1AMClub members online. @tchee *pours drinks* and *puts nuts on the bar* whilst catching up with everyones' news... Occasionally, @dnsnow brings some friends along to add to the fun!


Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have noticed that I am rather keen on #hashtags... It has got to be such an addiction that I even try to use them in real life #honestinjun . My tags tend to be *slightly* longer than most and I make them up at will..

Here are some of my recent favourites:





These next two are both of the maximum 140 character limit...


And a few minutes later I had to tweet an apology...


This tweet followed another which led to a #fight between me & my mate Jilly @jilllaker

Who's Hashtag Is Greater? @humphreycushion #thinksshesgonnagetlucky VERSUS @JillLaker #doilooklikeihaveaprivatejet One way 2 find out....

Made me laugh anyway #fact

Twitter Eurovision Project - Twittalongsingalong

On Saturday 29th of May 2010, the World will be watching the Eurovision Song Contest. I absolutely *heart* the Eurovision, bit gay I know but I am a true Leo, comes with the territory.. Having attended some dreadful Eurovision parties in the past, I have decided to host my own this year. On Twitter.

I shall be wearing support Avatars for each contestant, tweeting links to the lyrics so you can singalong... and of course tweeting a running commentary. If you follow me and do not like the Eurovision, I suggest you unfollow me for at least the next few days!


Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Twitter Eurovision Song Project #twittersong

Eurovision 2010 UK: Josh Dubovie – That Sounds Good To Me

Sorry, Josh.. It's not you, honestly. You are a sweet boy and a good performer with a strong voice but the song is absolutely dire. The title alone lends itself to instant ridicule. I cant hear you sing it without loudly singing "Shite" when you sing "Good". I am sure I am not alone in this.

So, Twitter project...

Personally, I think this years' effort is way too complicated and last years' very cliched, although simple and it did fairly well. (Mostly due to the sterling ambassadorial efforts by Andrew Lloyd Webber I think). So, lets go back to basics and write a simple song with a catchy tune...

Add your ideas below and I will include them as we go.. !

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Twitterarmy Triumphs, Dorries fails to give due credit..

At the risk of you all thinking that I am obsessed with Nadine Dorries...and thus stalking/emailing her constantly...this post is, yet again based on Her Najesty. I think it is because she irritates me so much that I simply have to rant at someone!

So, latest Dorries news item: "Tweet delete for MP" (via @gilesthomas with grateful thanks)

Nadine yet again blames Tim Ireland for her woes.. Rather than admit that the onslaught by our Twitter Army following her Dr Death tweet caused her to retreat from Twitter quick smart! A quick Topsy search shows the volume of tweets her nasty, victorious tweet about Dr Evan losing his Oxford seat created. A flurry of new hashtags promptly appeared, including #sackdorries and #twitterarmy

It seems that every time Nadine Dorries opens her mouth in public, she reveals her true self. That is the reason she has been silenced, not because Tim Ireland or any of her other alleged "stalkers" are endangering her reputation or safety in any way.

Other recent articles of interest include:

Nadines Huge Bar Bill, Buying supporters perhaps? Or not, as was proven in the John Bercow farce..

First MP in New Parliament to face new Expenses Investigation

Arrogant Nadine takes a Bubble Bath and strolls up at Count at last minute to be Re-Crowned Queen of Narnia

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Nadine Dorries Original Draft of Email to New MP's..

Dear new Member, (says the spider to the fly)
Many congratulations and welcome to the House. (look into my eyes, not around the Ayes)Please forgive me for this generic email being brief and to the point. (well not very brief but I like the sound of my own voice)

The first job of the House today is to appoint the Speaker. The Father of the House, Sir Peter Tapsell, will present a motion to the House that John Bercow remains as Speaker. (unless I can intercept him * thinks* )

At this point, members will shout 'Aye', on this occasion there will also be members from all parties shouting 'No'. (well, just me unless you really are as gullible as I think you are) If enough members shout 'No', this will force a division and your first vote as new members will be to vote for or against appointing John Bercow as Speaker. (This is where I want you to shout 'No' and risk your political careers cos you think I am your friend)

At this point, the green monitors will flash with the words 'Division' and the division bell will ring. This is a free vote and is entirely unwhipped and so whether to vote or not is wholly your decision.(cough) You will also have the option to abstain, and so you do not enter either of the voting lobbies.

Despite scare mongering by some left-wing commentators, there will be no repercussions according to which way you vote. (well, you'll never be allowed to speak in the house again but you werent really there for that anyway, were you dears?)I am sure you are aware that during the previous Parliamentary term Mr Bercow was appointed as Speaker, with unanimous Labour and a handful of Conservative votes. (they will be punished of course) In the words of a Labour whip, it was done to 'stick it to the Tories'.

That aside, there are a number of reasons why, (but I cant really think of any so I wont elaborate on this) since his appointment, Mr Bercow has proven unsuitable in the Speaker's role. Not least, on the occasions during the last session when Mr Bercow found remaining impartial, a crucial quality in the role of Speaker, very difficult, leading to a number of heated exchanges between the Speaker and Conservative MPs.

We are about to head into choppy political waters. It is imperative we have a Speaker who possesses dignity, gravitas, ability, wisdom and who can command respect from all sides of the House. A Speaker beyond reproach, (cough) who via his experience has earned the entitlement to such an important office. (yes, I know he has most of that but I dont like his wife, OK !!) (and he is really short as well) There are a number of candidates from all sides imminently more suitable, able and willing; Edward Leigh, Sir Menzies Campbell, Alan Hazlehurst [sic], and Margaret Beckett. (all of whom think I am all that and a bag of chips *preens*)

It is imperative that we are seen to begin this Parliament renewed and afresh. We can only do that with a democratic vote for the Speaker. If (grrr) Mr Bercow wins the vote, he will have the endorsement of the whole House and not just the Labour party. (and I will scream and scream until I am sick)

The Labour MP Kate Hoey, who is supporting (sucked in, silly girl) the vote and I will be acting as tellers. (as in telling you what to do, little lambs) If you come to the division lobby there will be members on the doors directing you to the lobby depending on which way you wish to vote. (I will stick a big poster of John with a noose round his neck on the right one, that should tip you off) I am sure you understand the importance of this vote. I look forward to counting you out of the lobby during your first division. (do as I say or I will curse you and your family)With very best wishes,


Nadine Dorries.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Its Fliiiitttick !!

You have heard from @MrPlug, @adamcroft, @bloggerheads so thought it was time for a girlie take on the "Flitwick" story.

"Flitwick the Movie"

Starring: Nadine Dorries (simpering, sitting MP for Mid Beds)
Also Starring: John Cooper (English Democrats)
Production: Tim Ireland (Mr Bloggerhead himself)

Cast includes: David Reeves (Lab), Lynda Jack (Lib Dem), Malcolm Bailey (Green), Bill Hall (UKIP), Dr Fiona Steele (Chair), Richard the Doorman, A Pretty and Cheeky Social Democrat, Lovely Policewoman , Ms Cushion and of course "Mrs Fliiitttick herself @humbershomemade.

On 4th May 2010, Flitwick Village Hall threw open its doors for an evening of political debate. Attending the event were 178 local constituents from all walks of life. A group of school children interviewed the candidates as they arrived, the hall was buzzing with excitement.

Our star arrives outside at the last minute, dressed to kill in a white designer trouser suit. She stalks in, there is a tangiable change in atmosphere. She has a quick interview with the kids in which she tells them she first came to Mid Beds as it was the only vacancy, hates Marmite and that she drives a Jag. She marches up to the front, wafting perfume in her wake and takes up her seat next to the Chair.

Dr Steele begins by introducing Tim the producer. (Nadine up until this point was quite relaxed, fiddling with her hair and pouting). Penny drops and you can see in the videos for yourself what happens next...

What you cannot see is the audience reaction. If you watch the Featuring the Producer video you get a better idea of the animosity in the hall. The audience did not applaud Nadine's opening speech, although they applauded all the others (even the very tedious and slightly racist ones). The Chair had a lot of questions to get through, she told us that most of the questions were specifically for Nadine. (Nadine made it clear to the Chair and to Ms Cushion upon her arrival that she would be leaving at 8.45pm to go to another meeting). Ms Cushion was told by a very reliable source that Nadine was extremely reluctant to attend the hustings at all and acted like "a primadonna" about it by the way...

Nadine agrees to stay after our hero, John Cooper, intervenes and asks for Tim not to be thrown to the lions.. Malcolm Bailey talks.. (Nadine begins whispering to Chair, stops. Starts again, stops and starts again, finally getting told off by a disgruntled Ms Cushion) Now it's Nadine's time to talk.. she gets various heckles but nothing an old pro' like her can't handle. Enters the Lovely Policewoman at the back of the hall. Nothing to see here so, its a load of old politics for a while..

Then, from the back of the room, enters a very angry @humbershomemade. Calling out to the Chair as she stomps down the middle aise.. Whispers (bit late for that) to Chair, Nadine leans in for a better eavesdrop. Chair turns to the Producer and confronts him over the live broadcast (that she had agreed to). Nadine states that she knew he would do that..bla bla.. Audience ask what the problem is? Why stop the broadcast? No big deal, modern technology etc.. Then @humbershomemade pipes up again, telling us her life story, saying that everyone needs a level playing field, demonstrates the correct pronunciation of FLIIITTTIIICCCKKK and gives Nadine a great excuse to leave early, thus avoiding any more awkward questions. (after of course, slandering the Producer again to the entire audience and ordering him OUT with her pointy finger cos she forgot her wand).

Off she stomps, entourage including flustered daughter in her wake... At this point, Ms Cushion decides to take some air. Oh, how odd.. Nadine is still here! How strange she thinks, when Nadine was so keen to attend another meeting. Hmm. Puffing away and moaning, Nadine hides round the corner surrounded by her supporters (and the Pretty and Cheeky Social Democrat). Ms Cushion starts talking to a Tory counciller and accidently presses record on her phone, oops silly girl, now everyone will know that Nadine was still there 13 minutes after she said she was leaving. Ms Cushion is very cold and goes back inside to watch out of the window. She waves goodbye to Nadine about 5 minutes later and has a quick chat with the Lovely Policewoman and the Richard the Doorman.

The hustings are going well, lots of questions being answered - particularly well by both Lynda Jack and David Reeves I might add. The Producer has packed his things away and leaves, first stopping to speak to the Lovely Policewoman, Richard the Doorman and Ms Cushion.

The Chair calls the husting to an end, lots of applause and thanks to the remaining candidates.

The End (or is it?)

"Flitwick the Sequel" may be coming to a nearby Blogspot soon.... (Full length movie) (Featuring the Producer) (Producers cut)